i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
As shirtless as possible
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
