i think my mom watched the whole time
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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