Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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