All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
