I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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