you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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