Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
