I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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