Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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