life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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