i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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