I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
