Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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