he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
