and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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