did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
