I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize