I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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