why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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