dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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