Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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