Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
