Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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