help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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