just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
