I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
so much tequila, so little girl.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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