He uses pillows to masturbate.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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