it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
