The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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