im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Come share oat with me in your robe
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
