i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
