You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
no more duck duck goose at the bar
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
