Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
