Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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