I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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