I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
