I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
