She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
