Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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