JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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