She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
