Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
