How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I believe in your delicious
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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