there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
