im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
