Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
