We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize