sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
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