You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
