Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
