last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
