remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
