Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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