i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Randomize
