I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
