My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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