i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
