Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
