You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
