Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
