You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
there is glitter all over my balls
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize