so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
