Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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