If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
