I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
