My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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