if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
