I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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