Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
