no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Go christen that room with your naked body.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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