She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
