I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
