Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
