Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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