That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
