oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize