i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
