Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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