i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
