whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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