would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
