I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
