Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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