I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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