we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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