I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I want to make a zoo with you.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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