Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
