my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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