I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
you will always have a special place in my vag
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize