His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
