he puts the penis in happiness.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Randomize
