While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
