right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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