if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
