i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize