Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
