soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
