How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
