And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
