I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
