Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Randomize
