I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
